3. If your introvert needs to be left alone, trust and respect that.
"They just need to recharge and will come around when no longer socially exhausted," says Alisha Kirchoff, a university administrator in Campaign-Urbana, Illinois. "Don't take it personally." The Rev. Christopher L. Smith, a marriage and family therapist and clinical director and president, at Seeking Shalom in New York City, agrees. "Understand that being an introvert is about where your loved one draws their energy and strength. They can be a real people person and still need time to themselves to recharge and process. This is not a contradiction. Don't minimize me time' appointments."
4. Stay close at parties.
"I feel most alone in crowds, large gatherings, or parties," says Grace V. "My best relationships were with people who understood this and stayed close and attentive so I don't feel so lost in the swarm." Bill Corbett, Connecticut-based speaker and author of From the Soapbox to the Stage: How to Use Your Passion to Start a Speaking Business Book, explains. "Groups of people, especially large ones, drain the energy from an introvert. If you must attend an event with lots of people, keep it brief. And after the experience of the gathering or party, be ready for your date to want to end the night." If you can be together at home or in a quiet environment, your introvert will thank you.
"Hanging out and not talking is the holy grail for introverts," adds Grace. "This means we are comfortable around you, and enjoy the unspoken companionship. I like reading a book or doing my own activity but prefer to do it in the quiet company of my boyfriend."
5. Never embarrass an introvert in public.
"I am an introvert and would be horrified by a marriage proposal on the jumbo screen at a ballpark," says Bonaccorso. "I specifically told my husband that such antics, even photographers hiding in the bushes, would not win my heart. Instead, I would be mortified!" Don't try to turn your introvert into an unwitting YouTube star. Ever.
6. Check in.
"Make sure that your bubbly, outgoing personality doesn't overshadow that of your date," says Florida-based author and psychotherapist Karen R. Koenig, L.C.S.W., M.Ed, expert on the psychology of eating. "Check in often to ask how he/she is doing. Introverts appreciate it when you take the time to notice what they are silently communicating to you. "Commenting on body language and facial expressions will also help to connect with an introvert, says Rose Hanna, LMFT and professor of psychology at California State University. "Increase your ability to be emotionally expressive will speak to the heart of an introvert."
7. Give an introvert extra time to process a conflict.
"While most people, whether introverted or extroverted, tend to avoid emotional conflict, introverts as a group will need more time to process the emotional aspects and will tend to delay responding until they feel ready to reply," says Marc Miller, Ph.D., a psychologist and communication coach in Plainview, New York. "This is how introverts are wired,' but their reaction can be mistaken for a negative emotional statement. When the extroverted partner expresses her/his feelings, whether loving or angry, and the introverted partner remains silent, the extrovert is likely to interpret the silence as a lack of caring, of indifference, or of rejection. The extrovert might up the ante' at that point, pressing harder for a response of some kind, which is then likely to cause the introvert to retreat and delay even further.
This is a vicious circle that is extremely common in extrovert-introvert relationships and can be fatal to the relationship—if not understood by both partners."
—Written by Laura Schaefer for HowAboutWe
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