Being present is really the first requirement for getting turned on. So turn off social media, put down the smartphone, and be in the moment. Get your head in the game, and your body will follow.
5. Relax.
Stress—especially chronic stress—kills the pleasure mindset. The sustained release of the stress hormone cortisol will not only take its toll on your overall health and well-being over time, but it will also dampen your sex drive. The good news here is that having sex can reduce our cortisol levels. One more reason to learn how to masturbate better!
If you need help learning how to relax, here's a full guide to the breathing exercises I use myself. A quick tip: By breathing in and out through your nose and making the exhale a bit longer than the inhale, you will harness the power of the nervous system to calm itself.
6. Spend time in the sun.
The hypothalamus is your body’s master hormone machine. It regulates everything, including our appetites for food and sex, our moods, even our waking and sleep cycles. Getting natural sunlight can help stimulate the hypothalamus (and is also linked to lower rates of stress). Not getting enough natural sunlight has contributed to the worldwide epidemics of obesity, depression, anxiety disorders, and stress. A big reason to spend time outdoors all year round!
7. Create a playlist.
Music is another really helpful way to relax—and can be hugely helpful in figuring out how to turn yourself on and set the mood. Music, especially an empowering anthem, primes joy. Create a mix of your favorite songs that help you get in the mood for sex and play it next time you masturbate. (You can also play it for your partner when the opportunity arises.)
8. Set the scene.
One of the best ways to masturbate is to create an atmosphere of seduction in your bedroom, just for you. Nice clean sheets, a new comforter or blanket, soft lighting, candles, and incense can all help set the stage for a woman's orgasm.
J Jimoo Natural Silk Pillowcase
Melony Massage Oil Candle
9. Fantasize.
I’ve often said, your brain is your most powerful sex organ. (Anyone who's ever had a sex dream should understand this all too well.) You can turn up the volume on pleasurable sensations from your genitals just by using your mind. In my research, participants were able to light up their brain's pleasure centers by just thinking about genital stimulation. Based on this research, I developed an exercise, using imagery, to practice how to turn on your brain’s pleasure places.
10. Know your erogenous zones.
Sexual arousal doesn’t just come from stimulating your genitals—the body is full of sensuous hot spots such as the thighs, buttocks, and the small of the back. One you may not have explored before? Your ears. Beyond the obvious pleasures of listening to delicious sounds, stimulating the outer ear can directly activate our brains' pleasure centers. There's a scientific reason for this. Turns out that the turn-on from ear sensation is driven by the Vagus nerve—a major component of the calming and restorative side of our nervous system—which my lab has shown is activated during orgasm.
When it comes to female masturbation, the various parts of the clitoris can unlock a lot of pleasure, while the vagina, cervix, and nipples have a deep resonance on their own. (Yes, nipple orgasms are a thing!) Connect the dots between pleasure places. When you play a number of these keys together, the sensations can blend, combine, and merge into a crescendo of different types of orgasms during sex.
12. Exercise.
Regular exercise has long been understood to help boost sexual arousal. So if you want to turn yourself on, show your body some love by walking outside for 15 minutes at least two times per day. Yoga can be an especially erotic exercise practice—focusing on the breath and the energy in the body is a fantastic way to get in an erotic frame of mind. Do it by yourself or with a partner.
13. Focus on connection.
When you are with a partner, sizzle up your interactions. As discussed in my book, creating ongoing sexual potential and lifelong turn-on involves being willing to take risks with partners. Couples who learn how to take risks by penetrating each other's psyches keep learning and growing together. For example, start with a regular practice of asking your partner about the high and low points of their day. And then go deeper to probe. Cultivating the ability to actively and deeply listen to our partners is hot.
14. Learn to play.
Play is the source of a great deal of our social joy and pleasure—it helps build resilience and enhance your ability to cope with stress. And that applies to both your sex life and your life outside the bedroom. Similar to finding a new hobby, finding ways to get playful in your life can actually help you access that playful pleasure when it comes to turning yourself on. Specifically when it comes to your masturbation practice, think about trying a new sex toy or dressing up in something that makes you feel confident (even if you’re solo).
Lelo Gigi 2
15. Explore the world of porn.
It’s a myth that women aren’t into porn. In fact, watching porn can help those of us (even moms who've lost access to our mojo) jump-start our libidos. Whether you like visual stimulation, audio porn, or settling in with some delicious erotica, a narrative aid can be a great way to prime yourself for pleasure. Just make sure you’re turning to ethical, feminist sources.
16. Find the right sex toy.
There are plenty of ways to turn yourself on using just your own body and your mind. But a vibrator can also be a wonderful thing to incorporate. In terms of choosing a vibrator, I suggest starting with a simple one without bells and whistles and go from there. In a previous column we explored how to play with settings and experiment with different parts of the body.
Womanizer Duo 2
PlusOne Dual Vibrating Massager
Maude Vibe
17. Just go for it.
Ultimately, the best masturbation tip for turning yourself on is just to do it. As my research has shown, our bodies are wired for pleasurable sensations—and the more you activate the pleasure pathways in your brain, the more you’ll strengthen them. In other words, repeated stimulation is key.
